Mommy Brain

Yes, that’s me. My name is Carrie, and I’m a terrified voter. I’ve had so many thoughts about the upcoming presidential election rattling around in this brain of mine, and I kept thinking I should organize them and write a post of some sort. Well, it was either organize my thoughts, or write a post, because I don’t have time to do both. So I’m posting, and you’ll have to excuse the disorganized (and probably long) mishmash of a post this will be.

Let’s start with a little background, and then I’ll get myself in trouble right off the bat. Sounds promising, huh?

I voted for President Bush in 2000. I voted for him again in 2004. And I feel like I was duped.

See, told ya! Some of you are probably already ready to hit that comment button and tell me how wrong I am. That’s okay – I’m just going to explain how I feel and why I feel that way and hope my visitor stats don’t drop into no-man’s land.

When I voted for President Bush in 2000, I thought I was voting for a man of integrity. I truly believed I was voting for the right man. When we were attacked on September 11th, I was sure I had voted for the right man. Bush seemed to come into his own after 9/11, showing himself to be resolved and strong and the kind of leader we needed to see us through a national tragedy.

I agreed with him when he decided to attack Afghanistan and the Taliban for sheltering Al Qaeda. That was the right course of action, since Al Qaeda attacked us first. I was angry. I was grieving. I wanted revenge. And when Bush announced that the next step in protecting our country and dealing with 9/11 was to go to war with Iraq, I believed him. When he said that there were weapons of mass destruction, I believed him. I even had arguments with my dad, a Vietnam veteran who was against going to war with Iraq, saying that Bush must be right, he must have access to intelligence we don’t know about, getting rid of Hussein would make our world a safer place, etc.

Looking back, I am angry – at the Bush administration for using my anger and grief over 9/11 to manipulate me into supporting a war against a country that had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks – and at myself for being so easily led. I wish I had shown better judgment and not let my emotions get the best of my thought processes.

We have since found out that there were not WMDs in Iraq – and that President Bush was aware that the intelligence he was basing his decisions on was iffy at best. There were no Al Qaeda bases in Iraq before the Iraq war. The number of incidences of terrorism has gone up since we began our war on terrorism, not down. Ron Paul was gutsy enough to say that we didn’t take into account how our presence on Arab soil would be received and that we should have considered their history and way of thinking – and the consequences of military action – before entering the war. Because of his honesty, he was accused of being unpatriotic. We have now even seen the government of Iraq call for a plan for US troops to withdraw – and at first, President Bush refused! In my opinion, at that point this becomes an occupation, not a liberation. President Bush has since admitted that we need a timeline of withdrawal – or event horizon, or whatever terminology he is using, but John McCain still resists the idea.

We have seen President Bush lie about how NFL star Pat Tillman died – even after being warned by top military officials that he was killed by friendly fire, not in action. We have seen him expose a CIA agent, and put her and her family in danger. We have seen him hire his political cronies for positions like head of FEMA – and then watched the ensuing chaos and devastation. One by one, members of his administration have been accused of unethical behavior. He has used semantics to deny the fact that the United States government is involved in torturing prisoners.

We have watched our men and women leave to fight the war in Iraq and Afghanistan without the body armor and armored vehicles they need to keep themselves safe. Our government is more than willing to send our military men and women out to fight in this war, while paying them so little that many of their families qualify for food stamps and other financial assistance. When they return, they are welcomed home with scads of paperwork and long waiting lists before they can get the medical and psychological help they need. The numbers of fatalities seems low compared to other wars, but this fact can be partially attributed to our more advanced medical technology. More men and women are living through military action, but many are coming home missing limbs, eyes, ears. Many are coming home permanently disabled – either physically or psychologically. Many are coming home to marriages that have disintegrated while they spent long deployments in the Middle East – sometimes coming home for a while and then being sent out again.

Please don’t think that I am in any way denigrating the men and women who fight and serve in our country’s military. I am pro-military. My dad is a veteran of the Vietnam War, and I am proud of him for that fact. I admire and honor those who go serve in this war because that is the job they have signed up for because they love their country. I think the best way we could honor them is to make sure they are prepared when we send them into battle. I think we should honor them by giving them wages that reflect the service they provide to our country. I think we should honor them by giving them the very best of medical and psychological treatment when they return – without wading through months of paperwork and waiting lists. And most of all, I think we should honor them by bringing them home.

I’ve heard all the arguments. We can’t just leave without accomplishing our goals. What goals? To bring Hussein down? Done. To establish a coalition Iraqi government that can function on its own? I’m not sure how successful the government will be in the long-run, but they are saying they are ready to run their own country, so we should let them.

Yes, Iraq is better off without Saddam Hussein. He was a horrible, evil, wicked man who did unspeakable things to the people of Iraq. But, that was not our reason for going to war. That has been the justification in hindsight that everyone wants to bring up – Hussein was evil and committing acts against humanity. Fine. If that is the reason we should invade a country, then why have we not gone to war in the Sudan? Congo? Sierra Leone? Oh, that’s right, they don’t have oil. Instead of celebrating the Olympics in Beijing, why haven’t we gone to war with China over the persecution of Christians, the forced abortions, the unspeakable treatment of women? Oh, that’s right – they’re big and scary, so we appease them instead. Yes, Hussein was evil, and Iraq is better off without him, but don’t use that as your justification for war unless you plan on taking out every other evil dictator or regime in the world.

Okay, so that’s how I feel about President Bush and the war in Iraq. Anyone still like me? Or maybe you have all clicked away already. Might as well forge ahead.

I don’t trust myself to vote in November. I truly believed President Bush was an honorable man, and the best choice for president. I now believe I was wrong. How do I know that this won’t happen again this time? I could vote for McCain or Obama – firm in the belief that I am choosing the right man – and I could be horribly, terribly wrong.

I can find as many reasons to vote for each candidate as I can to not vote for each candidate.

McCain’s position on the war terrifies me. He has said that we will be in Iraq for 100 years if that is what it takes to win the war. Win the war? What does that even mean?

Let’s get personal. I have three sons. Noah is 10. In 8 years, he will be legally required to register for Selective Services. That’s right – I’m worried about a draft. If we are still at war in Iraq and Afghanistan and McCain decides to attack Iran – a not entirely unfeasible situation, given some of his words on the matter – where are the troops going to come from? What happens if this whole Russia situation escalates? We are stretched too, too thin. Because of that, I don’t know how I can bring myself to vote for John McCain, even if he does choose a Christian, pro-life veep.

So, where does that leave me? I had determined that I would not vote in this election on only one issue – that being abortion. I agreed with Al Mohler, Jr. when he said that many Republicans act as if life begins with conception and ends at birth. In other words, their policies regarding poverty, health care, and the war show that they don’t value lives post-birth as much as they do while they are in utero. So, I thought I could probably vote for Obama, since he said he was morally opposed to abortion, even though he wasn’t in favor of criminalizing it.

But – that is not the truth of Obama’s position on abortion. His position is much more extreme, as demonstrated by his vote against the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act when he was in the Illinois state senate. (For more info on this, put more succintly, check out this, this, this, this, and this.) Because of that, I don’t know how I can bring myself to vote for Obama.

See where that leaves me? And to be honest, I’m more than exhausted over the whole thing. Obama gives a great speech, McCain picks a surprising woman veep. And the political pundits and blogosphere crawl all over each other to see who can put out the most outrageous, partisan, slanted information on whomever they don’t like at the moment.

I turned on the Republican convention this evening while Rudy Giuliani happened to be speaking. And after five minutes, I turned it back off again – because it turned my stomach. Maybe some of the other speeches were good, but Giuliani just came across as the worst of politics: arrogant and self-satisfied, and having nothing whatsoever to say about our country and where it should be headed, and oodles to say about how horrible Obama is. I am just plain sick of it all.

So, there you have it. I’m afraid to vote. I’m sick of politics in general. Kevin feels the same way, and we’re left having conversations where we ponder what a Christian’s responsibility is in this situation. Does God want us to vote when we think each candidate is a bad choice? Should we write in another name as a protest vote? Should we abstain? Cast lots? I’m tempted to write across my ballot in black Sharpie, “I’ll vote when you give me someone worth voting for.”

Okay, I guess I’m done. I know this is long and rambling, and I haven’t taken the time to link to all of my sources. I may be – probably am – wrong about at least one thing in this post. Feel free to tell me about it in the comments – but please, please, let’s keep the discussion civil. It is possible to discuss politics and opposing views without taking personal potshots. It doesn’t happen very often, but it is possible.