Mommy Brain

Last year, I posted my favorite Christmas carol, but I never explained why this one is so special to me. Growing up, Christmas was the best time of year for our family. In the next couple of days, I’ll be posting a beautiful essay my sister wrote about Christmases growing up in our house, and you’ll understand why.

When I grew up and left home for college, Christmas was still a special time – going home to be with Mom and Dad and my sisters made it so. But it wasn’t quite the same. I was in rebellion against my parents and against God, and Christmas was a time to shut off my feelings so I wouldn’t be convicted of my sin.

After my junior year of college, I made a decision that changed the whole course of my life. Instead of staying at WSU and completing my degree (and taking on another year of debt to get a degree in theater that I’d probably never use), I opted to move to Vancouver, Washington to nanny for my aunt’s beautiful boys. I moved away from my theater friends – who I loved, but who were not the best influence on me. Do you have any idea how many cast parties those people have?

I moved in with my aunt and uncle, but their lifestyle wasn’t that different from the one I had left behind. The whole focus of their life was pleasure. Making a lot of money to spend on nice things. Drinking fine wine and eating at fine restaurants. Having a beautiful home. And in the midst of all this extravagance, I was even more unhappy than I had been at the university.

At Christmas-time, I attended a cantata at the church where my nephew attended Christian school. It was breathtaking. The church was large and had a grand choir that sang all the classic Christmas carols. I knew most of them by heart. But for the first time in my life, I actually listened to the words and understood them in a way I never had before. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing was the one that struck me the most. It’s four verses contain the entire gospel message. And I realized why I was so unhappy.

That night, my faith was renewed. There was no altar call, no one prayed over me, but something happened in my heart. I began attending church regularly for the first time in years – and met Kevin at that very church a few months later.

Christmas is still my favorite time of year, but now the reasons go so much deeper.