My weekend
This Friday I am heading for a women’s overnighter with some lovely ladies from my old church. I was asked to come as a guest and lead worship for the three sessions Friday night, Saturday morning and Saturday afternoon. I am so excited! There will be lots of talking and laughing, time for playing games and crafting, and did I mention talking and laughing? And knowing this group of ladies, there will probably be copious amounts of chocolate as well. My only concern is how well I will be able to sing on Saturday after little – or no – sleep Friday night.
Our leader, who happens to be one of my best friends and has therefore read some of my writing before, asked if I would come up with something funny to read to the group of ladies during one of the “icebreaker” times. So I pulled out my “a day in our life” post and tweaked it a little. Here’s what I came up with:
As most of you know, I homeschool my kids. As part of my record keeping, I keep a brief diary of what we do each school day. Of course, I keep a lot of the details to myself. You know how on DVDs now you can watch the original version of the movie or the extended version? Well, I thought you might find it interesting to hear the extended version of one of our homeschooling days.
5:45 Up and shower.
Extended Version:
Hit snooze three times until Kevin finally comes in and turns the light on to say goodbye and that I better get up.
6:15 Sit on the couch with Josiah while I read and eat my breakfast.
Extended Version:
Stare at the same Bible verse for 20 minutes while trying to keep myself from nodding back off. Curse the fact that I had to give up coffee.
7:00 Jonathan gets up, saying, “I’m starving, Mom!” so I wake Natalie and Noah. We pray, and then the kids eat breakfast while I read a Bible story and a poem.
Extended Version:
For prayer time, I ask Jonathan to pray for Natalie’s cold, Noah to pray for Kevin to have a good day at work, and Natalie to pray for our day.
Jonathan goes first: “Dear God, please help Natalie to have a good cold.”
Everyone dissolves into laughter. Five minutes and a lot of “come on, you guys’s” later, he tries again: “God, instead of making Natalie have a good cold, please help her cold to go away and make her just have gas instead.”
More laughing, at which point I quickly speed through the rest of our prayer requests and mutter a quiet, “Lord, give me patience before I beat these children!”
I read the Bible story for the day, which happens to be the parting of the Red Sea. The boys miss the whole “God parted the Red Sea” miracle and instead jump off the couch to act out Pharaoh and his army drowning in the most gruesome way imaginable.
8:00 Chore time! Noah dusts, Natalie vacuums, Jonathan takes the garbage out. The boys head downstairs to clean up, while Mom does the dishes, sweeps and mops the kitchen, and mops the dining room. Josiah swings back and forth between helping and getting in the way.
Extended Version:
The kids: “Mom, do I have to?” “Can’t we skip chores today?” “How come Natalie only has to do that, but I have to do everything?”
Me: “Yes, putting a new bag in the trash can is part of taking the garbage out.” “Noah, flicking the dust rag in the general direction of the book shelf is not actually dusting.” “STOP WHINING!”
9:15 Spanish and Science
Extended Version:
We spend about fifteen minutes actually listening to our Spanish lesson; a half hour rounding up Science notebooks, pencils, markers and last minute drinks of water; an hour on Science and fifteen minutes replacing every cap of every marker in the house – or at least the ones Josiah was able to get his hands on.
11:00 Short break.
Extended Version:
The kids actually get a break and a snack, while Mommy’s e-mail time is interrupted with requests like, “Mommy, can you come help me find that little tiny black Lego that I lost last year? I really, really need it.”
11:15 – 12:15 Jonathan and Noah do handwriting while I give Natalie her dictation and spelling test. I give Noah his spelling test and dictation and go over his grammar and math for the day. Then I sit down with Jonathan and listen to him read and then go over his math lesson for the day.
Extended Version of Jonathan’s reading lesson:
“Okay, Jonathan, read this sentence,” I say, pointing to the first sentence on the page.
“Okay, Mom. ‘The bug sits on the big, brown log.’ You know what, Mommy? I’m not scared of bugs. That’s why I’m the bug-killer. If you see a bug, you just call me and I’ll come kill the bug, okay, Mommy.” At this point he begins staring off into space, presumably slaying giant ants and spiders in his mind.
“Okay, Jonathan, just read the next sentence.”
“Okay. ‘The little boy fell down, but…’ But?! Butt isn’t a nice word, Mommy. Don’t you think it should say ‘bottom’? We’re not supposed to say ‘butt,’ Mom. You told me that when we were watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and they said, ‘Let’s kick butt!’ – remember?”
“I know, Jonathan, but this is a different kind of ‘but’.”
“What kind of butt, Mom? A big one?”
“Never mind. Try the next sentence.”
“Okay, but they really shouldn’t have said ‘butt.’ ‘The boy fed his dog.’ Hey, Mom, can we get a dog? I really like Heidi’s dog. She runs after us and I like playing with her and she even licks people in the face. Or maybe we could get a bigger dog to chase away any bad guys who come to our house. We could fight them off together! Like this!” At this point he leaps off the couch and demonstrates some very complicated karate moves of his own invention. “Can we get a dog, huh, Mommy?”
I shut the reading book and say, “Ask your father,” before locking myself in the bathroom.
12:15 – Eat lunch while watching a PBS video about ancient Egypt.
Extended version:
When I realize that the directors of the video decided to be historically accurate and include cartoon versions of topless slave girls dancing for the entertainment of the Pharaoh, I desperately scramble for the remote, which I find behind the couch, and fast-forward to the next scene. This scene shows an actual mummified body in the Cairo Museum – which of course grabs the boys attention way more than naked cartoons. Should’ve figured.
12:45 – Out the door to the library and post office.
Extended Version:
The line at the post office is about 7 people long and – of course – only one window is open. The kids are fine for the first fifteen minutes, but then Jonathan and Josiah begin horsing around, which somehow ends with Josiah on the floor licking Jonathan’s shoe. Don’t ask – I have no idea.
1:30 – 2:20 Natalie’s dentist appointment.
Extended Version:
I attempt to read, but instead end up skimming through an Outdoor Life with Jonathan, cringing every time he says, loudly, “I’d like to shoot a deer like that, Mommy, with a really big gun!” Noah finishes his math and grammar while lying on the floor of the waiting room. Josiah plays with legos from the dentist’s toy chest, nearly crippling an old lady who comes through the door just as he gleefully destroys the tower he has just built. The dentist says Natalie has a grown-up tooth erupting where there definitely is not enough room. He doesn’t want to do anything until we consult with the orthodontist, so I make an appointment for next Wednesday when the orthodontist is up from Spokane, gritting my teeth, tempted to mention that when I had called to make this appointment, I asked the receptionist if, just maybe, we should see the orthodontist first.
2:30 – 3:00 Run to the bank and Safeway.
3:00 – Ahhh. A short break. The kids are outside riding bikes, so I hop online for a little while.
Extended Version:
Natalie comes in and informs me that I am just not fair. When I ask what I did this time, she tells me that it’s absolutely tragic that she can’t get her ears pierced until she’s twelve, but the neighbor’s 10-year-old is getting her belly-button pierced. I’m not kidding.
3:30 – Time to fix dinner.
5:00 – Kevin comes home and we eat dinner.
Extended Version:
“Oooo, what is this? It looks gross. I’m not eating that. Can I have peanut butter and jelly?”
5:30 – 7:00 – The evening is spent on Natalie’s math lesson, since our day was cut short by the unnecessary dentist appointment.
Extended Version:
I remember why I hate long division so much.
7:00 Snacks in hand, it’s story time. I read two picture books and half a chapter of The Tale of Despereaux.
Extended Version:
The kids keep asking if we can have a movie night instead of story time, so I give up and pop in Curious George. Natalie takes a shower. The boys need showers, too, but I’m too tired and decide it can wait until tomorrow.
8:00 – Kids go to bed.
Extended Version:
Celebration Time, Come On!
Since many of these ladies’ children are already grown, they love to laugh as they remember what it was like to have small children. As I write about it, I think it’s funny, too. When I’m living it – not so much.
Well, we’re headed out to Nan’s ballet class soon. Have a great day!
That’s fabulous! I was laughing
And I am going to a Scrapbooking Weekend Retreat this weekend! WAHOO!! So I will think of you having fun and kidless and you can think of me having fun and kidless 
October 11th, 2006 at 1:57 pmROFL!!
Were you peeking in my windows because your day sounds strangely like mine!
I hope that you have a wonderful time this weekend.
October 11th, 2006 at 4:41 pmLawanda – I hope you have a great time!
Laney – some things are just universal with boys, aren’t they?
October 11th, 2006 at 6:32 pmWhew! Thank goodness, I feel normal now. My days look about the same and since I am terribly new to this I was thinking it was me!
October 11th, 2006 at 9:58 pmWe are *so* living parallel lives! It’s good to see we aren’t the only ones who live like this.
October 11th, 2006 at 10:34 pmCarrie K–Oh, baby! SO relatable! You will have the ladies eating out of your hand, which if your hand holds chocolate, will be even better! Have fun on your weekend and enjoy the time-out.
October 12th, 2006 at 4:51 amAbsolutely hilarious! I am SO glad that I’m not the only one living like this! *Chuckle*
October 12th, 2006 at 5:54 amThis is funny, Carrie! The shoe-licking incident in the Post Office is too much! Your life sounds a lot like mine and I am not sure if that is good or bad!
October 12th, 2006 at 6:59 amI love it, and they will too.
(and you know i have days like that too, but more girly 
)
October 12th, 2006 at 7:04 amLyn – I think most homeschooling moms have days like this, but we don’t have a tendency to talk about them. It’s too bad, because when we only talk about the “perfect” days, it gives other people the impression that they’re the only one who has less-than-perfect days.
Karen – I am always amazed at how much we have in common – except that my oldest isn’t a teenager yet.
Katy – I plan to enjoy myself immensely! Thanks for stopping by.
Lisa – your one Rosie keeps you just as busy, I know!
Randi – well, at least life’s not boring.
Andrea – I’ve always thought it was a boy/girl thing – the business and rowdiness – but now I think it just depends on the particular kid. My neice is as busy as all three of my boys rolled into one!
October 12th, 2006 at 8:10 amLoved it!
October 17th, 2006 at 8:34 pmThis sure made me chuckle, life is truly funny (after the fact).
October 17th, 2006 at 10:42 pmYep, you have been a fly on my wall! Just add a few more kiddos to the chaos and that is my life!
October 18th, 2006 at 3:09 amThanks for the laughs! I’m sure this will be what my day looks like in a few years. . .
Here via the Carnival of Homeschooling.
October 18th, 2006 at 7:16 amMargaret, Tootlepip, Cynthia & Jaime – thanks for stopping by!
October 18th, 2006 at 6:12 pmWe just started homeschooling this year and I am so glad to see the experienced mommys have days like this!
October 19th, 2006 at 2:29 pmRobin – yep! And thank goodness not every day is like this one.
October 19th, 2006 at 2:31 pm[...] also reminds me of a post I did a while ago, about what one of our days is really [...]
August 8th, 2007 at 9:03 pm