About this past Friday’s women’s overnighter. All in all, I would say I had a good time. There was good teaching, good fellowship, and oh, the food… I also enjoyed leading worship, although doing three complete worship services in less than 24 hours is absolutely exhausting. I came home completely wiped out Saturday afternoon.
Before I can explain the mixed feelings, I have to back up and vent a little bit about this year’s women’s Bible study. Weekly Bible study has been my refuge since we moved here 9 years ago. When I had four under 5-years, I especially relished the time spent with other women and my children safely in the nursery being looked after. I did everything I could to make sure we were there most weeks, in spite of the challenges of getting four little ones ready and out the door by 8:45 a.m.
When we made our decision to leave our old church, I knew I would continue to attend the women’s study. It meets in a woman’s home - not at the church - and there are other ladies from different churches who also attend. It was a comfort to know that, in the midst of all these changes, I could keep this support group. There were some awkward questions about why we had left the church, but those had all passed by the time we broke for the summer. I spent the summer missing the ladies from study and looking forward to starting up again.
Then we started study this fall. The group of women tends to change some each year, as there are usually two studies offered, meeting in different homes. This year the choices were a study on being a godly wife, and a study on the book of Matthew. I chose the Matthew study - cause I’m already a perfect wife, right? Just kidding. Even though the marriage study was a repeat from five years ago, I figured I could use a refresher course. Plus, the teacher happens to be one of my best friends from that church, and this way I can actually see her in person once a week instead of relying on the weekly phone calls that we cram into our schedules.
This year, we have a few new ladies. They are not new to the church, but this is the first year they have committed to Bible study. And for some reason, they have no idea how to behave in a group study. I am not exaggerating! Let me give you a brief play-by-play of last week, and you’ll see what I mean:
I dropped the kids off at the nursery (we have two lovely girls - one currently homeschooled and one a homeschool graduate - who watch our children) at 8:45. Two of these ladies were dropping their kids off at the same time. I headed to the house where study was held. I got there at ten to 9, plenty of time to set up my keyboard and visit for a few minutes. I fully expected these ladies to be right behind me, but when their friend arrived she announced that they had decided to make a latte run before heading to study.
At 9, study begins. At 9:10, the two latte ladies arrive. Now, if they would quietly slip into seats so as not to disturb what was going on, everything would be fine. But, no, they have to make an entrance.
“Ooo, your baby’s getting so big - and where did you get that adorable purse? I need one of those!”
“Sorry we’re late! Had to have our caffeine fix, you know!”
At this point, Terry (my friend and the teacher) tried to get everyone back on task. She continued on with announcements, prayer, and discussion of last weeks’ homework. During this time, not one, not two, but three different cell phones ring. And none of the cell phones have typical rings - one actually tweets like a bird. And do you think they turned them off quickly and ignored them? Oh, no, they answered them! There was even a phone conversation going on while Terry prayed.
Study continued, interrupted often by the ring-leader of this group of ladies, who likes to be the center of attention. Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the kind of study where Terry talks and the rest of us just sit quietly and listen. Interaction is encouraged and everyone feels free to give input. But this particular woman’s comments are almost always completely off topic. At one point, in the middle of the study, she actually asked the hostess about her curtains!
Before study was over, we had several more phone calls, all of them answered. Now, I understand the need for mothers to be reachable when their children are somewhere else. The ladies in the nursery have the phone number at the home we meet in and they have a phone right in the nursery. So it’s not like there’s no way we can be reached in case of emergency. So why can’t these ladies turn their phones off for the two hours of study? They’re not doctors or surgeons or police officers. They don’t have jobs outside the home that require them to be “on call”.
I went home from study feeling like my place of refuge had been completely violated. I talked to Terry afterwards, and she mentioned that she had specifically prayed for there to be no distractions this morning. The lesson was on truly leaving all - including our self-centered-ness - to cleave to our husbands. A necessary teaching - one that impacted our marriage in huge ways last time we did this study. (Another story for another day, if you’re interested.) But no one got much out of study, because it was interrupted at least a dozen times by either cell phones or off-topic remarks or side conversations.
Fast-forward to Friday afternoon. Terry and I and the two other ladies in charge of the women’s overnighter are praying. Terry mentions that the same group of ladies will be attending, and that she plans to make a request at the beginning of the first session that all cell phones be either turned off or turned to vibrate, and that there be no side conversations going on that would distract from what was going on. During free time and craft time and at night, cell phones were fine - just not during the session time.
There was some good-natured complaining, but all of the ladies turned their phones to vibrate, and I thought we were off to a good start. But the center-of-attention lady still manages to be loud and make lots of comments that keep people from concentrating. We had lots of visiting time and some fun ice-breakers, but every time we tried to come back to the more serious teaching and testimony time, she could not get settled down. I seriously felt like we were dealing with my 7-year-old. Then, in the middle of one woman’s beautiful testimony of how her life changed because of grace (our theme was Grace-filled Living), center-of-attention jumped up and announced that she had to leave. Apparently her husband had been calling her over and over again (she had left the room to answer her vibrating phone a couple times) and that he was having trouble getting their youngest to bed and he wanted her to come home. I felt sorry for her (and very grateful for my husband, who has never asked me to come home early from a women’s retreat, even when the kids were sick), but she basically threw a fit, disrupting the entire time. She threw her notebook down on a table, and stomped into the kitchen, gathering her things. Her phone again rang, and she answered it in the hallway right next to where we were meeting. We could hear the entire conversation as she basically yelled at her husband. She then stomped back into the room announcing that she couldn’t find her keys. After about 20 minutes of this, she finally left.
I am trying so hard not to be judgmental about her, but this woman is a Christian. She has been for several years. Last week at Bible study she announced that she and her husband will be going into full-time missions work in Quito, Ecuador next year. And all I can think is, “Oh. my. gosh.” Am I just being critical? Am I too picky - do I need to just let things go? Cause I am beginning to dread Bible study and get resentful.
I feel so sorry for Terry, as she has tried the whole “subtle cues” route to let this woman know that she is disrupting things, but she is just not picking up these cues. This leaves Terry having to address the situation head-on, which is not her favorite thing to do. (I don’t know anyone who truly loves confrontation, do you?)
Every week I have prayed for forgiveness over my attitude about these women, and the one in particular, but every week the same things keep happening and my resentment comes back. I don’t want to give up Bible study, but I also don’t want to keep going somewhere that makes me so angry.
I have to say the rest of the overnighter was much more pleasant. Without their “ring-leader,” the rest of these women are pleasant and fun to be around. I think many ladies were ministered to by the testimonies given and the teaching that Terry prepared. I know that is what counts. But what do I do with these feelings of resentment? Any advice would be appreciated.
by Tracey West
