The kids and I have been watching Orca this afternoon, sitting in front of the computer. Go to Orca Live and then click on the appropriate bandwidth. It’s 2:49 pm Pacific Standard Time here, and we’re seeing a whole group of them playing and jumping and communicating with each other.
Randi had a good point in the comments below about grace, and as I started to address it, it turned into another post. So, here goes: I definitely believe in grace! I know I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I have flaws that I don’t even recognize yet! My problem isn’t with people not being perfect, it’s with people who willingly walk in disobedience to the Word.
The particular people I’m talking about at our church have been lovingly and gently - and then lovingly and firmly - approached about these areas in their lives (several times). One person completely denies that his problem IS a problem. He thinks that being extremely controlling - to the point that people feel used - and being a work-aholic is his way of getting things done and so that’s okay - to the detriment of his marriage, primarily, and also to the hurt of the rest of the body.
The other person knows that his problem - irresponsibility and not doing what he’s been entrusted to do (and agreed to do for a salary) - is a flaw, but is unwilling to make any changes. He has looked at the elders who have addressed this issue with him and nodded, “Yes, I need to change that” but then continues to do what he wants and ignore the things he doesn’t want to do. I guess the biggest problem is that these are pastors! They are the ones who are making the decisions for the direction our church is going, and since they refuse to be teachable in these areas, our church is losing members. Especially people in leadership positions of ministry.
Most of the people who simply come on Sunday mornings and to various events without getting involved think everything is fine. Our pastor preaches a good sermon and is good at having lots of events and programs to fill each night of the week. But people who have been in leadership at our church for years and years and years are stepping down and refusing to be involved anymore because their concerns are continually ignored. Our church already weathered a split several years ago when a youth pastor took a large group of members to a different church in town, and it was very difficult. As I see ministry leaders drop like flies, I wonder how long this can continue until we go through something like that again.
I don’t know what the answer is. My husband and I have addressed the issue directly with our pastor and at membership meetings when various subjects have come up, and it doesn’t seem to make any difference. My husband just recently stepped down from the finance committee that he has been involved in for three years because of this.
So, back to the original question: how does grace fit into all of this? I believe that grace and truth are both needed for relationships and a church to be healthy. If you have truth without grace, you have judgmentalism and legalism and criticism. If you have grace without truth, you have believers who aren’t held accountable and lovingly discipled in sanctification. Everyone’s fine the way they are. Neither of these models express love. It’s not loving to expect people to be perfect and condemn them when they aren’t. It’s also not loving to leave people in their broken condition and not help them grow. There has to be a balance.
So, that’s what I think. And Kevin and I are left with a dilemma. What do we do in a situation like this? We love our church! We’ve been in this body since our oldest was a baby. The people have watched our kids grow, babysat them, and loved them. Kevin has been involved in finance committee and I lead worship and teach Bible study. When I had my c-sections, loving women brought us meals for weeks. My dearest friends and sisters in Christ are here. The women’s Bible study is my weekly haven. And yet our church is becoming a disfunctional, unhealthy place, where people are unhappy and their protests are swept under the rug. My heart is heavy.
Saturday, the 22nd, was National Read Aloud Day and I didn’t even know it! As a (late) way of honoring the occasion, here is a list of some of our favorite read-aloud books:
**Thank you so much to any of you who have purchased items through our Amazon affiliates account. You are helping to stock our family’s library with good books.**
“It is part of the misguided and whimsical condition of humankind that we so devoutly believe in the power of effort-at-the-moment-of-action alone to accomplish what we want and completely ignore the need for character change in our lives as a whole. The general human failing is to want what is right and important, but at the same time not to commit to the kind of life that will produce the action we know to be right and the condition we want to enjoy. This is the feature of human character that explains why the road to hell is paved with good intentions. We intend what is right, but we avoid the life that would make it reality….
So, ironically, in our efforts to avoid the necessary pains of discipline we miss the easy yoke and light burden. We then fall into the rending frustration of trying to do and be the Christian we know we ought to be without the necessary insight and strength that only discipline can provide….
No one ever says, “If you want to be a great athlete, go vault eighteen feet, run the mile under four minutes,” or “If you want to be a great musician, play the Beethoven violin concerto.” Instead, we advise the young artist or athlete to enter a certain kind of overall life, one involving deep associations with qualified people as well as rigorously scheduled time, diet, and activity for the mind and body….
So, if we wish to follow Christ — and to walk in the easy yoke with him — we will have to accept his overall way of life as our way of life….Then, and only then, we may reasonably expect to know by experience how easy is the yoke and how light the burden.”
Dallas Willard in The Spirit of Discipline
The issue of character has been a topic of discussion between Kevin and I lately. We have been bothered by common acceptance of the idea that as long as a person is “getting things done” or “their ministry is growing”, then we should overlook all else. Never mind that the person has a huge lack of maturity. Look the other way even thought it is evident that his marriage is completely disfunctional. Never mind that she doesn’t follow through with responsibilities entrusted to her. Ignore the fact that the youth aren’t being taught to dress modestly or to serve the church, because after all, they’re going on missions trips!
I’m bothered by the fact that some of the leadership in our church seems to be more interested in getting things accomplished and having lots of programs than in discipling people in personal holiness and integrity. What do we do in a situation like this? These people have been approached with the sinful attitudes and tendencies, and yet choose to ignore them. Why is it acceptable to use people when you need them to do something and then ignore them when they have concerns? Why is it all right to neglect the things you’re being entrusted with — and paid for?
Some people say, “Well, God seems to be using them in spite of their faults.” Yes, that’s true. But does that mean they can forget about them? Never develop their character any further?
Sorry that this is turning into a rant. I do NOT want to give the impression that I think I’m perfect and everyone else needs to change. I know I’m not. There are many things I need to change, and bit by bit, I’m changing them. It doesn’t bother me to have flawed people in positions of leadership. It bothers me to have flawed leaders who believe they are fine the way they are. “Look, our numbers are increasing! I’m doing great.”
Compared to what? What - or better yet, Who - are we supposed to be like? We’re never done. There are always more issues to work on. And that’s okay. It’s only a problem when we stop working on them, or worse, deny they exist.
(Very) quick update of our life lately:
~ My ankle is healing nicely. It only hurts when I twist it certain ways — or when my children step on my foot. Various parts of my foot are still a lovely shade of dark plum.
~ Resumed swimming this week. Only 20 minutes before my ankle starts to hurt from the kicking motion, but it’s a start. And I think the hot tub is doing wonders for my ankle - and my sanity.
~ School is in full swing. We take the month of December off, and I’m looking forward to it. All of the kids are doing well. Mommy is being much more patient and understanding with Jonathan, and it shows. Noah has finally realized that reading is fun, and is making his way through the first Magic Treehouse book. Natalie is reading all the time, and addicted to blogging. (Kind of like her mom.)
~ Weight Watchers week one: lost 6.4 pounds. Week two: gained 1 pound of the 6.4 back. Week three: we’ll see tonight. I’m sticking to the program, and my pants are loose and I almost lost my wedding ring, so I think it’s working.
~ Friday night went to my mom’s for a girl’s night and watched Monster-in-Law
~ Saturday took the kids swimming and then watched Clockstoppers
~ Kevin and I watched Batman Begins
~ Sunday we went to church, came home, ate lunch, and put the kids down for “rest time”. Kevin headed to our local community theater to videotape their current production. I enjoyed my alone time by crocheting frantically on a baby afghan (the shower is Saturday and I’m only half-way done) and screaming myself hoarse at the Seahawks/Cowboys game. The Seahawks pulled it out at the end, which made me happy. And I think Bill Parcell is the meanest man in football. I would not want to play on his team. Is football the only profession where your boss can get away with screaming obscenities at you when you make a mistake? I enjoyed watching the Cowboys quarterback, Drew Bledsoe. He was quarterback for the Washington State Cougars when I attended, and took our team to the Rose Bowl that year. He’s a great quarterback. Too bad he’s playing for Mr. Nasty.
~ I’m leaving in five minutes to go teach Bible Study. This afternoon we’ll do some laid-back school. Tonight I have my Weight Watchers meeting and then Dad and I are going to see Serenity. Kevin has kid duty, and I’m so grateful to him for the night off.
Well, that’s it, I think. Even though I haven’t been posting much, I have still been reading the blogs on my ever-increasing blogroll and enjoying them very much. I may not comment as often as I should, but thought I’d let you know that I’m still there, lurking away.
Josiah, my three-year-old is going through a developmental leap in which he’s remembering events more clearly. Up until this year, each Christmas has been a new event, completely unrelated to anything that had happened to him before. I think we’re past that phase. Two conversations I had with him this week:
Josiah: Mommy, remember when I was a little kid and we dropped the eggs in the cups and they turned different colors?
Mommy: Yes, we were dying Easter eggs.
Josiah: Let’s do that again. In the morning. Tomorrow.
Josiah: Mommy, remember when I was a little kid and we went camping and slept in the tent?
Mommy: Yes, that was just a couple months ago.
Josiah: Let’s do that again. That was fun.
I find it hilarious that this little three-year-old guy keeps referring to things as “when I was a little kid”.
This is how we spent two hours this afternoon:
Lest you think this post is mis-titled, we:
acted
sculpted
drew
spelled
added
sang
cooperated
read
thought
laughed
Great game. A few of the activities are a little old for my crew, but that’s okay, we just skipped those. The box says ages 8 and up - my oldest is 8, my youngest 3, and we all played together.
…do a quiz! I’m too busy and my mind’s too scattered to think of anything to write, so what you see is what you get.
These adorable woodland animals are known for their fluffy cotton tail and shy disposition. Bunnies reproduce like crazy and are found all over the world. As a bunny, you spend your days hopping through fields and chewing on grass and leaves. Your cuddly, gentle appearance is irresistable!
You were almost a: Lamb or a Pony
You are least like a: Squirrel or a TurtleTake the Cute Animal Quiz!
What are you?
“Mom, we don’t have to do school today, right? Can’t we just play with the new Math Wrap-ups and look through the microscope?”
“Um, yeah.” (Don’t tell them they’re learning, ‘kay?)
This arrived on Friday, along with some prepared slide sets with cool things like fish scales and compound insect eyes:
The kids (and Daddy) are in heaven.
When I started out as an actor, I thought, Here’s what I have to say; how shall I say it? On M*A*S*H, I began to understand that what I do in the scene is not as important as what happens between me and the other person. And listening is what lets it happen. It’s almost always the other person who causes you to say what you say next. You don’t have to figure out how you’ll say it. You have to listen so simply, so innocently, that the other person brings about a change in you that makes you say it and informs the way you say it.
The difference between listening and pretending to listen, I discovered, is enormous. One is fluid, the other is rigid. One is alive, the other is stuffed. Eventually, I found a radical way of thinking about listening. Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you. When I’m willing to let them change me, something happens between us that’s more interesting than a pair of dueling monologues. Like so much of what I learned in the theater, this turned out to be how life works, too.
From Never Have Your Dog Stuffed, and Other Things I’ve Learned
Saw this meme on Keer Unplugged and decided to steal borrow it.
“What you’re supposed to do is go to Google and search in their images section. Then post the first (or your favorite) image when you enter the following things:
* The name of the town where you grew up.
* The name of the town where you live now.
* Your name.
* Your Grandmother’s name. (Pick one)
* Your favorite food.
* Your favorite drink.
* Your favorite song.
* Your favorite smell.”
Update: If you do this, make sure your Google image search preferences are set to “Use strict filtering”. That way you won’t get any yucky results when you “google” a name.
I grew up in Sedro Woolley, Washington, and this sign is at the entrance to town.
Don’t really want to post my current home-town’s name, but here’s a picture that came up.
The first pic that came up when I searched my name (Carrie) was a graphic photo from Stephen King’s movie. Since this is a family-friendly blog, I chose pic #2 of Carrie Underwood from American Idol.
My grandmother’s name is Dorothy.
Anyone know how many Weight Watchers points?
Mmmm, java.
My (current) favorite song is called Enough.
Favorite smell: rain.
If you decide to borrow this for your blog, leave a comment and let me know so I can check it out!
“My mother didn’t try to stab my father until I was six, but she must have shown signs of oddness before that.”
from Never Have Your Dog Stuffed, and Other Things I’ve Learned
Do you have any memorable “first lines”? Share, please.
(Grace for the Race: Meditations for Busy Moms was provided to me free of charge by Mind and Media, who received it from the publisher for the purpose of being reviewed.)
Dena Dyer knows that moms are busy, so she has written a book filled with short (usually 2-page) meditations that combine humor and inspiration. My days have been filled to the top these past few weeks, and it was nice to have a book I could pick up whenever I had a couple minutes and read a complete chapter.
Ms. Dyer shares her struggle to find her way as a mom, a writer, and a Christian. She uses stories from her life to show God’s grace in the seemingly mundane. I found much to relate to in this book. For instance:
– the penchant for weepiness that overtakes us when we become mothers:
“Writer Ken Gire says: “In each tear is distilled something of eternity, something of love and compassion and tenderness, all things that originate in heaven and come to earth as a sacrament to my soul, if only I am willing to take and eat.”
So whether I weep at a wedding, sob at a funeral, or tear up with joy while listening to a friend’s good fortune, I’m no longer ashamed. In fact, during this pregnancy, I’m crying with abandon — content in the knowledge that I’m touching both heaven and earth at the same time.”
– struggles with weight issues:
“Throughout my struggle with weight, God has reminded me time and again that He wants to be my food. Some days I let Him fill me up with His peace and power, and other days I run (again!) to the candy machine.
I’ve learned that my spiritual life is a lot like my eating habits. It’s a daily battle to let Jesus, the Bread of Life, be my sustenance. It’s much easier to run to the television, read a gossip magazine, or call a friend than it is to take the time to tell God what’s bothering me and let Him work on my problems.
So my earnest prayer has become, “Lord Jesus, help me to hunger for You more than I hunger for earthly food. Make me as excited about spending time with You as I am about going out to eat.”
And sometimes I add this postscript: “One more thing, Lord — please let there be chocolate in heaven.”"
– the neighborhood competition to have the most lavish, expensive birthday party (for a child!)
“Is it just me, or are kids’ birthday parties becoming too extravagant? Growing up, all we needed was pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, some cake and ice cream, and a few favors. Now, moms feel pressured to have an overarching theme, live entertainment, bounce houses, and pony rides — not to mention goody bags rivaling those given to Academy Award presenters.”
Each chapter ends with “Notes from the Coach” - a selection of Bible verses to meditate on. If you’re looking for a book that has quick devotions that will make you laugh and encourage you to keep pressing on, then you’ll enjoy Grace for the Race
…because I sprained my ankle Friday night. Again. Actually, it’s the other ankle.
The week was going pretty well. Busy, but that’s normal. Tuesday night I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting, and when they weighed me I had lost nine pounds since six weeks ago at my doctor’s office. The swimming must be working, which is encouraging. I thought the meeting was boring, but I enjoyed seeing the three ladies from Kevin’s office who have been doing WW for the last eight months and have lost 40, 50, and 60 pounds, respectively. I’m doing the Flex Plan, which requires you to count points, but lets you eat normal food. Basically the points system teaches you what normal portion sizes are. I’m cautiously optimistic.
Then Friday at work Kevin got a raise. Not huge, but big enough to cover the cost of my weekly WW meetings and then some. We’re considering getting “channels” back, as the kids call it. We haven’t had cable in two years, and have done fine since my parents have the same tastes as us and record what they watch for us. (Lost, NCIS, Commander in Chief, Invasion. And our antenna picks up Fox, so I was able to watch American Idol and we love House.) Kevin has been missing Discovery Channel and The History Channel, though, and I’d love for the kids to have Animal Planet again. We’re considering going the satellite/Tivo route. That way the kids won’t ever have to flip channels (going past MTV, VH-1, E! and the like); they can choose their shows off the menu that Mommy has previously okayed and recorded for them. Anyone out there have Tivo or the like? What do you think, is it worth it?
Anyway, after dinner Friday night, Kevin headed up to the local soccer field to take pictures of our friend’s son’s team. I headed downstairs to the computer to work on a writing assignment, happily munching on a Weight Watchers ice cream sandwich (yummy, lowfat, and only 2 points!) and misjudged the bottom of the stairs. By two steps. I came down hard, my ankle gave way with a nasty crunching sound, and I ended up flat on my back in the storage room. I then proceeded to panic, because the pain was excruciating and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get up, and Kevin wasn’t home and the kids were playing outside loudly and were unable to hear me. Long story short, I managed to pull myself upright and Kevin came home to find me crying with the pain. After icing it for an hour and taking four ibuprofen and still no relief, I called my mom and she took me to the ER. Nothing broken, just a bad sprain. They gave me an air cast — a splint that I step into and fasten around my calf with velcro. It keeps my ankle perfectly straight so I’m not able to injure it again. With my track record, that’s a good thing.
They instructed me to stay off it for the weekend and ice it every 2-3 hours. So I had lots of time to read and work on my next Bible study lesson. It’s much better today, and I’m alternating between hobbling around for awhile and then putting it up for awhile. Bible study tomorrow, thank goodness I don’t have to stand to teach!
That’s what my weekend was like. How about yours?
I’m supposed to be working on something else, but my daughter has reminded me that I need to answer the questions she tagged me with. So here goes:
1. What is your favorite movie?
Braveheart, Sleepless in Seattle
2. What is your favorite song?
Right now I really like a song called “Enough” on Jeremy Camp’s Carried Me: The Worship Project
3. Are you like your mom?
I don’t think so. Mom and I have very different personalities. I’m more like my dad.
4. What is your favorite actor/actress?
Favorite actors: Russell Crowe, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Matthew McConaughey
Favorite actresses: Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep
5. What is your most embarrassing moment?
Don’t know about the most embarrassing, but this is certainly the most recent. When I was at Women’s Retreat going to the bathroom, the stall door swung wide open. And I just happened to be in the handicap stall, which is huge, so I wasn’t able to reach the door to pull it closed because I was, um, still going.
6. Do you want to be my friend?
Yes, Natalie, I am proud to be your friend, and even more proud to be your mom.
~Vintage Jesus: Timeless Answers to Timely Questions
