Well, as soon as Kevin gets home, we will be on our way. 10 years together! Amazing. I don’t have time now, but when I get back I will post on our marriage, its ups and downs, and how much God has blessed me by giving me Kevin.
Back on Monday!
Carrie
The past two weeks have been insanely crazy at our house! I know I’m being redundant, but it seems appropriate. I have been counting down the days until Kevin and I leave (tomorrow!) for our anniversary trip. And in the meantime, I think we’ve been under attack. I hesitate to use that term — I hate it when people see Satan behind every sniffle and car problem. But when several things in a row happen that are so out-of-the-ordinary, I begin to wonder. Here’s what’s happened since last Monday:
This is crazy! I’m almost afraid to think how many other things could go wrong before we actually leave tomorrow afternoon. In the middle of all of this, I have been struggling with fear. I don’t normally think of myself as a fearful person, but this sickness that doesn’t want to quit has my defenses down. I keep hearing all the “what-if’s”:
I know where these questions come from. Ironically, my women’s Bible study was just studying the verses in 1 John yesterday. The ones that say “perfect love casts out all fear.” I’ve been quoting it to myself like crazy. It’s very strange for me to be dealing with fear — I’m normally very laid-back and my husband’s the anxious one. This time the roles have been reversed and it feels strange. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.
So anyway, I will be gone for the rest of the week — back on Monday. (Knock on wood.) I will post then and hopefully be reporting what a wonderful time Kevin and I had celebrating 10 years together!
Until then,
Carrie
It’s been a few days since I posted, I know. I’ve been in a caffeine-withdrawal fog since Wednesday. In an attempt to soothe my tummy, which was still acting strangely, I quit caffeine. Cold turkey. With no illegal drugs. I do NOT recommend this. On top of that, I decided to stop taking ibuprofen since that can be harmful to your stomach, and I’d been taking quite a bit for a sinus thing-y that’s been lingering on and on and on. Caffeine headache minus ibuprofen equals one very unhappy mommy. Tylenol helps some, but not a lot. And my mind is in a complete fog. Today is the first day I’ve felt capable of stringing words together to form coherent thoughts.
I’ve found some interesting articles on the web about caffeine withdrawal. They now classify it as a psychiatric disorder. (Does this mean I need Prozac?) Symptoms include: headache, fatigue, muscle aches, nausea and vomiting, flu-like symptoms, weakness…..and death. Not really, but you either feel like you’re dying or want to.
Of course, this is Easter week, which means that in spite of my coffee-craving-induced haze, I had stuff to do. Like clean my house and get Easter stuff ready. These things would not normally send me back to bed with my head under the covers. But this week accomplishing a few minor tasks felt like scaling Mt. Everest. This morning we’re taking the kids to a Resurrection celebration at church — complete with the Easter story, crafts, and more sugar than any child should actually consume. Tomorrow morning, we have two Easter services, both of which I must attend because I’m involved in a drama and singing. After church we will have our Easter-egg hunt for the kids. Then at 2 p.m. my family will arrive for Easter dinner. My wonderful parents’ are bringing a ham and Dad’s making pies, so all I need to do is whip up a potato salad. At 6 p.m. is the memorial service for Beve. At first I thought this was a strange choice of time, but now it seems fitting. Celebrating Beve’s life and entrance into heaven on the day Jesus beat death!
I’ve read that these caffeine withdrawals can last up to nine days. NINE DAYS! I’m praying that won’t prove true for me. I’m on day four, and I want to feel better. I wish you could see how many words — easy words — I’ve mis-spelled while writing this post — I can’t make my hands or mind work the way I want! If I can just get through this, I’ll never drink coffee or pepsi again. I swear.
Happy Easter!
Carrie
My dear sister in Christ, Beve, went home to be with Jesus this morning.
My prayers are with her husband, Dale, and her daughters. This song is for them:
Homesick
You’re in a better place,
I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you.
But the reason why I’m broken,
The reason why I cry,
Is how long must I wait to be with youI close my eyes and see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now.Help me, Lord, because I don’t understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But even if You showed me the hurt would be the same
Because I’m still here so far away from home
In Christ there are no goodbyes
In Christ there is no end
So I’ll hold on to Jesus with all that I have
To see you again.Words and Music by Bart Millard
copyright 2004 Simpleville Music
How to make a memory:
Tonight’s soundtrack: Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits, Volumes 1 & 2 — only the up-tempo songs, of course; Mercy Me Undone — at this point only the kids are still dancing since Mommy’s exhausted.
In yesterday’s post, I whined and complained about how horrible I was feeling because of PMS and this stomach bug that doesn’t seem to ever go away. Today at my women’s Bible Study meeting, I learned that my friend Beve (the one on hospice care with abdominal cancer) slipped into a coma yesterday. Her husband seems sure she will be seeing Jesus very soon. My heart is heavy. And I am ashamed at my self-pity.
I keep thinking of Terri Shiavo. Her husband is doing anything he can to make sure that she dies. Beve’s husband, Dale, would do anything he could to make Beve’s cancer go away and keep her with him. This world is so messed up.
With a heavy heart,
Carrie
How I hate the way I feel during “that time of the month”! I feel exhausted, unmotivated, head-achy and back-achy, extremely irritable — in every way yucky. I know that as a Christian I am supposed to “rise above” and “not come under it” and all of that, but it’s difficult when all you want is to crawl in bed, throw the covers over your head, and stay there for about a week. Add this to the fact that I’m still fighting nausea from a stomach virus that lingers on and on and on — and you’ve got one cranky Mommy! I am so thankful that we’re taking this week off of homeschooling for Spring Break!
Our weekend wasn’t bad, considering all this. On Saturday we went up to the aquatic center in Canada again, this time taking our friends Heidi and Mark and their two little ones along. The kids had a blast, and so did we. That evening we watched The Incredibles for the first time. I am so glad that we bought it — the whole family loved it, including Kevin and I.
Sunday morning I woke up feeling wrung out — nauseated, exhausted. We didn’t go to church; I went back to bed after Kevin woke up and slept for a few hours. I spend the rest of the day doing nothing except finishing My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. The book is about a family who has a child specifically as a bone marrow donor for their older daughter who has a severe form of leukemia. Very thought-provoking, especially as Ms. Picoult tells the story from several points of view: the donor daughter, the mother, the father, an attorney, the older brother. I have found this distracting in other books, but Ms. Picoult artfully portrays each character as real and unique. This book made me think about my own children and choices I would make if one or more of them were severely ill. (Warning: this book has some profanity and a few racy sections. Nothing graphic, but it is not written by a Christian author, unlike some of the other books I have recommended. Consider yourself warned.)
I will be starting Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott this evening after rehearsal for Sunday’s Easter service. I’ve been very hesitant to read this book. I don’t know if I’m just extremely judgmental — I don’t think so — but I’ve had a hard time reconciling the idea of this woman loving Jesus with all her heart and yet believing abortion is okay. (She believes that personhood begins later than conception.) And yet, I’ve been yearning to be more real in my own faith and to be in a church where people are allowed to be authentic, but I don’t want to read a book because the person has faults? Hypocrisy — I hate it in others and forget how much it exists in me! I’ll let you know what I think of the book, not that it matters all that much!
On to dishes and dinner prep,
Carrie
(I added a list of what my 8-year-old daughter is reading to the sideline. She’s picked up her Mommy’s habit of having more than one book going at a time!)
God be with Terri and her family.
Update: Brain-Damaged Woman Without Food for Fourth Day As Court Battles Rage — 12:00 pm Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Update: U.S. Judge Orders Hearing in Fla. Right-To-Die Case — 8:00 am Monday, March 21, 2005
Update: Senate Passes Legislation on Schiavo Case — 2:30 pm Sunday, March 20, 2005
My six-year-old Noah has the first birthday of the year. It’s not until June, but that hasn’t stopped him from daily adding to his list of wants. His list is so varied — and mostly expensive — that I thought I’d post it as an insight into his personality.
Of course, there’s no way he’s getting all of this — or even most of it! But the boy definitely knows what he likes!
Have a great weekend!
Carrie
Update: Congress Plans Order to Keep Schiavo Alive
Tomorrow, March 18th, Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube will be removed. Why this is happening is beyond my comprehension. This woman is not on life support; she is provided with food and water that she is unable to obtain for herself. The same is true of small children, and yet our country would be horrified at the idea of starving one to death. I encourage you to contact your state senator’s and representatives and make your thoughts known on this issue. I am also including a link to the state senators and representatives in Florida. They need to know that the whole country is watching what happens in their state.
List of Florida’s State Senators and Representatives with e-mail addresses and contact info.
US Senate Home Page — just choose your state from the list and you will be directed to a page with your senators. There will be links to contact forms for each senator.
US House of Representatives Home Page — enter your zip code and you will be directed to the page of your representative and the appropriate e-mail address.
Also, keep praying for Ms. Schiavo and her family. Pray that someone in power will take action to prevent this woman’s death.
Update: Fla. House OKs Bill to Keep Schiavo Alive
We’re heading out the door this afternoon, and I notice Noah’s radio is on downstairs. (He’s my six-year-old.)
Me: Noah, you left your radio on downstairs.
Noah: Oops! I’ll turn it off when we get back.
Me: No, you need to do it now, or the batteries will run out.
Noah: I knew you’d say that.
My question: if he knew, why didn’t he just go down and do it and save me the trouble of actually saying it? Kids!
Ragamuffin Diva’s current post is beautiful and haunting and will break your heart and give you hope.
Semicolon has a great post on Terry Schiavo and the judge who has issued her death sentence.
Big thank you to Kim Campbell, over at the American Homeschool Association’s Blog, for the kind review she gave of my blog. I am so new to this — and it’s nice to get some feedback! Be sure to check out all the other great blogs listed — I’ve had fun finding some new ones to add to my Bookmarks!
I’m in the middle of A Thread of Grace by Mary Doria Russell and it is breathtaking. I posted a passage from the book on my other blog, Mommy Brain’s Passages. I encourage you to check it out. It’s quite long, but well worth it. It involves a great answer to the question, “Why does a good God allow suffering in the world?”
I am not reading this book as fast as I normally would. I’m having trouble keeping focused — not because the book is not worth my attention — but because I’m so excited about our anniversary get-away at the end of the month. So far everyone is staying healthy, and we’re not taking any chances! Only 17 days to go!
Waiting and waiting and waiting….
“Underslept and overburdened, Iacopo Soncini closes his eyes behind the cracked lens of his glasses. Listening to the silence of his book-crammed study, he thanks God that Rosina’s colicky crying has finally quieted and that Mirella will get a few hours of rest before the baby needs to nurse again.
He eases the desk drawer open and chooses a pen with care, selecting one his grandfather gave him on the day Iacopo became bar mitzvah. “These are the Days of Awe,” he writes, wondering if even a minyan will be left for Sabbath services. “When Abraham bound Isaac upon the altar, he was ready to sacrifice his only son at the Holy One’s command. God did not require that awful deed: an angel stayed Abraham’s hand, and told him to substitute a ram for the boy. On Rosh Hashana, when the year begins anew, the children of Abraham and of Isaac are reminded by the call of a ram’s horn that during the following eight days, God considers all His children and decides who will be inscribed in the Book of Life for another year.”
Since Italy’s surrender, Allied air raids have become more frequent. Targets seem more random. Renzo Leoni has offered to take Lidia, Mirella, and the children to the mountains, where they’ll all be safer. Should I have said yes? Iacopo asks himself. Have I waited too long? Dio santo, my son believes that finding a woman’s thumb is interesting — like finding a bird’s feather or a pretty shell on the beach!
“Wake up from your slumber,” he writes. “Examine your deeds! Maimonides tells us that is what the ram’s horn proclaims. Turn in repentance, remembering your Creator. On Yom Kippur, we’ll rise together to ask forgiveness, so that we might be inscribed in the Book of Life, and together we will be comforted by Jonah’s assurance of the Lord’s compassion for all creatures. And yet, next year at this time, some of us will be gone.”
You’ve got to close the synagogue…
Easy enough to ignore the advice of a dislikable drunk, but Osvaldo Tomitz came this evening to give the same advice, and the priest was even more insistent. “What better target than a synagogue full of fasting Jews on Yom Kippur? Just surround the building with troops and scoop the Juden up! Rabbino, the Loebs were not the only ones to be stopped at the Swiss border,” Don Osvaldo told him. “Forty-nine Jews were arrested at that crossing. This afternoon we got word that their bodies were found in Lake Maggiore!”
“Never has a year passed in which no one died,” Iacopo writes resolutely. “Death waits for all who live — the birds of the air, the fish of the sea, and the beasts of dry land. We who have eaten from the Tree of Knowledge, we alone know that death is coming for us. Adonai, in His compassion and wisdom, has given us the Days of Awe, so that we might turn back toward Him. Some do. Some don’t. Some need not return because they’ve never left. It seems to make no difference. Each year, the Holy One, takes life from those whose deaths leave us stunned and bereft. Each year, He leaves among us those whose lives are a curse. Of all His creatures, we alone ask, ‘Why?’”
Why my mother, my son, my cousin, my wife? his congregants will ask themselves. Why these innocents, when Hitler and Himmler, Goebbels and Kappler live on.
“I have studied Torah for many years,” he writes. “Had I studied alone, I might have come to believe that Torah does not teach us to understand God but simply to belong to Him. Fortunately, we Jews have as our study partners the wise of all ages, sages who lived in the times of the Canaanites, the Assyrians, the Baylonians, the Hellenists, and the Romans.”
Iacopo’s gaze drifts along the shelves of his library. Bibles in Hebrew and German, French and Italian. The many-volumed Talmud with its centuries-long conversation among past rabbis. Commentaries by Maimonides and Nachmonides, by Rashi and Rabbi Luzzatto share a plank with Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, and Plutarch. Flavius Josephus and Nathan ben Yehiel rest cozily between Machiavelli and Tacitus. Schiller and Shakespeare rub shoulders with Solomon Conegliano. Cantarini, Cardoso, Lampronti. Deborah Ascarelli, Sara Coppio Sullam. So many dear friends…
“The sages offer us a way to understand the terrible times when we are driven into exile, when we are beaten and enslaved, when we are killed with less thought than a shochet gives a chicken. The Holy One has made us His partners, the sages teach. He gives us wheat, we make bread. He gives us grapes, we make wine. He gives us the world. We make of it what we will — all of us together. When the preponderance of human beings choose to act with justice and generosity and kindness, then learning and love and decency prevail. When the preponderance of human beings choose power, greed, and indifference to suffering, the world is filled with war, poverty, and cruelty. Bombs do not drop from God’s hand. Triggers are not pulled by God’s finger. Each of us chooses, one by one, and God’s eye does not turn from those who suffer or from those who inflict suffering. Our choices are weighed. And, thus, the nations are judged.”
Carefully, Iacopo removes his cracked spectacles. Elbows on his desk, he presses his fingers into his eyes and weighs his own obligations. He cannot abandon the foreign Jews hiding in Sant’Andrea, but he will risk only his own life, not the lives of his family or his congregants.
He can close the synagogue school on his own authority. Suora Marta has offered to enroll Jewish children in a boarding school run by her order in Roccabarbena. The repubblicani have closed the state schools, but Mother of Mercy is also an orphanage, and classes are in session. Inland, away from industrial targets, the children can continue their education in relative safety.
On Monday, Iacopo will bring Angelo to Suora Marta himself, and urge other parents to follow his example. And then he will ask — no, he will beg Lidia Leoni to take Mirella and the baby to Decimo, where they can hide on a tenant farm owned by her Catholic son-in-law’s parents until the war is over.
Iacopo is aware of the irony. All these years, he has refused to bless mixed marriages, alarmed that so many of his congregation’s young people were marrying Catholics — the inevitable result of shared lives, shared neighborhoods, shared values. He considered those marriages heartening proof of Italy’s religious tolerance but a threat to Jewish survival. Such unions may be the salvation of the Italkim now.
Replacing his glasses, he picks up his grandfather’s pen. “The Jews of Italy have always striven to be a source of generosity in the world, for God has often granted us koach latet: the power to give. For centuries, we Italkim have supported the victims of persecution and explusion. In the days to come, remember this when we accept the generosity of others, we are the occasion of the Holy One’s blessing on our benefactors for their kindness. May God guide us all,” he concludes, “from war to justice, from justice to mercy, and from mercy to peace.”
He caps his pen and taps the paper into a neat stack. His muscles are cramped, and his mind seems packed in cotton wool. Even so, before he goes to bed, he reaches for the small Bible he keeps on his desk for easy reference. Holding it in one palm, he opens his hand and lets the book fall open where it pleases. “I cannot go where God is not,” he whispers, and draws a finger down the text, stopping midway down a column in Psalms.
“I hear the whispering of many; terror on every side,” he reads. “But I trust in You, O Lord.”"
From A Thread of Grace by Mary Doria Russell
~Vintage Jesus: Timeless Answers to Timely Questions
