Mommy Brain

It’s going on week four, and things are still not back to normal in our crazy household. My husband Kevin has a sinus thing going on and one ear that’s been plugged for a week, I’m still coughing and hacking, and two of the kids developed ear infections earlier this week. More important than the fact that we are still physically sick, we are now also sick of each other! Last night I was so tired of listening to “she’s in my way”, and “he’s copying me”, and “tell him to stop touching me” and “Mommy, can I have..” and “Mommy, I need…” that I wanted to scream! It was one of those days when I want to change my name, cause if I hear “Mommy” one more time I’ll go berserk! I know I’m supposed to have love and patience for my children, but I ran out about a week ago. Oh, of course I still love them, I just can’t stand them right now!
My husband is pretty in tune to my moods and let me head out to the local hotel where we have a pool membership and sit in the hot tub. I wanted to swim laps, which is my latest attempt at exercise and weight loss, but I didn’t want to plug my ears up worse than they already are. I got to the pool, and the hot tub was full — a family with three small children. Of course. It’s always my luck that when I need to get away from my kids I end up surrounded by someone else’s! And the hot tub was only warm at best, not even as hot as I like a bath. But I was so happy to be out of our house, I sat there anyway, closed my eyes, and tried to ignore the kiddie sounds.
I’ve been having a pity party, I know. And I sure think I’m entitled to it. At least I did until I got an e-mail about Beve, a dear friend of mine who has been battling abdominal cancer for three years. She’s done chemo three times, and last month her numbers were back down and the doctors were cautiously optimistic. The e-mail said that her numbers were back up, and the doctors had not given her the chemo treatment because her stomach is filling with fluid again — a sign that the cancer is advancing. This woman is amazing. I don’t know how she’s held on so long. She knows that when she dies, she’ll be with Jesus, and all the pain and suffering will be over. She’s held on because she wants to see her children become Christians. I’ve really struggled over that. The book Heaven by Randy Alcorn has put some things in perspective for me. We’re not made for this world — we should greet our death with joy that we’re finally going to the world we were made for. But then I think, what if it was me? What if I was leaving my family? Would I still have that perspective, or would I hold on to this life with everything I have? Don’t have any answers, just questions.
It’s 6:30 a.m. and Kevin’s going to be getting up any minute. I woke up at 4 a.m. with a coughing fit and wasn’t able to go back to sleep. I’m very tempted to head back to that pity party I was telling you about. Then I think of Beve and decide to count my blessings instead.
Blessings to you,Carrie